Love Lost

Too many walls lie between us
They try to keep us apart.
I'm left with no expectations
because of all these reoccurring situations.
We live with many moments of regret
Thanks to life's curvatures and threats.
I live and die in his arms each day.
This love has become nothing more than memories I'll never forget. But the pain still remains.
After all these years I thought love survived.
I believed to be his to my death, at least that's what we said.
Our oaths recited by our own breaths.
I lived entrapped in his words no matter what it was he said.
One look into his eyes and my truths has arrived.
I've cried out his name in desperation.
Often questioned my self why?
And all I get in response is "why did you wait so long?"
And my excuse is...
Love doesn't discriminate neither does time. They hold no boundaries and never ceases to cross the line.
I'm just sorry I waited so long.
Too long to let go! 
But I know time heals all.
If at some point you realized we were destined, then go out and seek me.
For I have spoken my last words in silence and hoped he'll never forget thee.

When the sun has set, no candle can replace it.― George R.R. Martin

His Warm Embrace

Dec 9, 2012 was a rainy Sunday here in NYC.
Rain can make the day seem gloomy and boring.
Some people stay home and sleep all day.
There isn't much outdoor activities when outside it's just pouring.
But.....
There's something about the rain that brings people closer.
Maybe it's the calmness that water brings.
It gives reasons for some to find shelter and cuddle with a significant other.

I got caught out there.
Now soaking wet from the rain.
My body in shivers
And he noticed,
He walks towards me
And holds me close
Wrapping me in his embrace.
A new watermark of excitement
Every existence of love and ecstasy
Inclined in our chemistry
Making me feel lucky
I held my breath
As I felt the warmth of his body
Got my stomach in knots
I feel butterflies
I'm all caught up in this feeling of love.
All the while this moment intensifies.

Nothing is more seductive than his manly voice softened in my ear as a whisper.
When he tells me that he wants me and he needs me.
His whispers ranges
From a simple hello, to simple nothings.
Damn....
It's those love making whispers that drive me crazy.
He whispers softly in my ears.. Make love to me baby...
No one can fuck me like you do...
Or when he looks into my eyes and tells me to take it...

His heavy breathing in my ears,
A whisper that's powerful,
that one whisper that gets me,
It's the sound of my name
That drives me insane.
The warm feeling of his skin pressing up against mine.
I long for it immensely.
Our love making is far from ordinary.

I inhale his scent
Wanting to taste him in every way
The way he moves when he's within me.
Feeling his bare warm flesh inside me
Stretching my walls in every angle
The intense look of passion in his eyes
While my legs are over his shoulders
His lips are now parted
His hands gripping my body
My hands on his back
My legs wrapped around his lower body
and we're grinding.
Gripping his ass slowly moving my hands up his back while I dig my nails into his spine.
Our bodies entwining, twisting, entangled like twin vines.
At this moment there's no pretending
I am his and he is mine.
A moment of passionate love making
as we lock OUR fingers together.
I am submissive to MY man
I yield to his requests.
When his body releases,
He ends it with his signature
It's his fluids that fill me,
deep within.
Coating, claiming his territory.
Wait!.....
Hold up!....
How did all this start? ...
Oh right....
I almost forgot...
Our love making started with just the warmth of his manly embrace.
A feeling that warms our loving hearts.
One not easily replaced.

I felt like I've died and relived so many times... and I did so in his arms.
Because there's something about a man's embrace, to be in his manly strength ~Sulie

P.W. will always have a concupiscence for me.
Remember, I'm still the one he comes home to. ©

Her Beauty Defined

How do you measure the beauty of a woman.? Is it by the size of her clothing? Or is it formless? Is it determined by
How high she wears her heels?
Is it only superficial?

Beauty is defined in many ways. What's beautiful to me may not be to you. Beauty surrounds us everyday. We see it, we breathe it, we smell it, we sense it, we hear it, we feel it. But some of us don't take the time to notice it, or see it for what it is. Because beauty still lies in the eyes of the beholder.

Here's how I define a woman I know. She's different and special. There's a beauty that shines from her eyes and is full of grace. A beauty that is mesmerizing.
Light skin, standing at 5'3" with dark brown hair.
Her eyes are chinky with Honey brown eyes. Thick eyebrows. They fit her face so beautifully.
She wears no make up but a lip gloss.
She says, "make-up is like wearing a mask, to hide imperfections. Why cover who you really are?"
This woman is smart.
Lips full and soft. A curvaceous body.
She lacks nothing.
As told by her male friend, she's the total package, can't be compared with average.
Very soft spoken, not loud at all, not even if she tried.
She's a radiant woman measured by her self confidence. She's shy, but it doesn't take away from the person she is. Her shyness is a form of her innocence. Her amazing physical endurance, only makes her more attractive.
She can be assertive but very seductive.
A pensive woman whose mind is always ahead of her. She can be quiet at times, but it doesn't mean she can't speak her mind.
Trust me, she always has something to say. She's very observant, trying to figure people out. She always manages to get a good feel of a persons character. She can tell you things that will make you wonder.
She's very calm and doesn't like confrontation. But don't let that fool you. Don't give her any motives. The quiet ones are usually a ticking bomb waiting to explode, because her thoughts are on overload. Have you seen her temper?. I dare you to test her patience. You'll see how volatile she can be. You don't want to be the reason for her wrath to be released. It will not be a pretty sight. That's guaranteed.

The Beauty of this woman is from deep within.
She's selfless, always putting others needs before hers.
Expecting nothing in return.
Always concerned about others.
Although at times she can be stubborn.
When she loves, it's Unconditional.
Her heart is faithful.
She doesn't know how to be spiteful.
A love for everyone, even those who treat her badly.
Because her love knows no boundaries.
You'll find some scars that define her troubles.
They speak of stories that are from a past.
If you'd like to know, all you have to do is ask.
Her life is not written in stone, For it has been hand-written in a journal.
Topics that range from joyous to hurtful.
The true beauty of this woman is reflective in her soul.
Ask me how I know... Because I am who She is.... and She is who I am.

Beauty isn't defined by what pleases the eyes.
It's defined by what captures your senses, including your mind.
Outer beauty attracts while inner beauty captivates.
To be captivated in such a way by someone is breathtaking.
That person makes love to your mind and soul without ever being there.
It is that person whom you sit down without conversing and walking away knowing it is the best conversation you've ever had.
It's that beauty from within that keeps minds that think alike always entwine.

With me...there's never a dull moment... Ask questions... I give you answers and give you results. ©

Beauty is a kind of radiance. People who possess a true inner beauty, their eyes are a little brighter, their skin a little more dewy. They vibrate at a different frequency. ~Cameron Diaz

For every beauty, there is an eye somewhere to see it
For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it
For every love there is a heart there to receive it ~ Ivan Panin

It is beauty that catches your attention, personality which captures your heart. 

The Stranger

I've been lost, like a message in a bottle dropped into the vast ocean,
Came across hurricanes and been brought down to the worlds deepest sea.
Only to be found years later by one person who wasn't worthy of me.
He made an unforgettable impression, I saw him on a glowing light.
That very moment was like a prince destined to retrieve his fallen star.
I ended up falling in love with a stranger.
His good qualities dominated my senses.
Blinding me of his imperfections.
Then one day, he made an error of judgement.
Contradicting all he's ever said.
Those words I once held on to because I always took his word and never questioned it.
In response, he distanced himself claiming he didn't know how to approach me.
He was my rock and the person who kept me on the right track.
He guided me like no none else has.
Now I have no one to do that.
I feel alone because I have been neglected.
This turn of events was very unexpected.
I wore my heart on my sleeves leaving it unprotected.
How do I find a way to mend it?

Losing him is like losing a part of me.
At times, I have felt like quitting everything that I am involved in, anything that is linked to him.
But that would mean changing most of my life, all the good things about myself.
I've even neglected my health.
Not eating for days because I didn't know how to deal with all this hurt and pain.
Yet my heart still aches.
The moment I saw through my idealized projection is the moment I began to see my loved one as he truly is, a person with no perfections.
I know that change has become my greatest challenge. Not to change for him, but myself.
I learned so much from this situation.
It's made me stronger and wiser.
I know one day he'll come to the realization that I am a great person,
with a heart full of warmth which is selfless and pure.
Until then, there's nothing he can do or say to bring my heart it's cure. ©

A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born.
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Blame

Every person is the architect of their life. We dream it, then visualize it and think about ways on how to make it happen, we then act on it, we make it to the best of our abilities. It is only after we build it we may see it wasn’t what we wanted. So we look onto someone to blame. Think about it. Isn’t that the easiest thing to do?  To blame someone for your downfalls?
As soon as something goes wrong they look for someone or something to blame. They’re the ones who might ask themselves "who is it to blame?" rather than asking "what went wrong?" Ever been with someone who blames you for everything?  Unfortunately I have. It’s something that replays in my mind all the time.
I just don’t get it. He said I don’t motivate him. Yet, I shared his sacrifice. I rolled up my sleeves and did it with him, we shared the load. But it’s not motivation that makes the objective real. When our goals are real, the drive to take action flows naturally. Truth is, I believe his situation should’ve been the reason for motivation. His kids, his family, his desires. What is more motivational than that? I can say based on what I see and what I’ve learned from all of this is that I take the blame for not being more inspirational. I should’ve tapped into his values and desires changing the way he thought and felt about himself so that he can make a positive change and draw out the motivation he desperately sought. Maybe I should’ve given him a challenge to exert his creativity so that he can achieve what he believed was possible. But it's too late now.  He needs to stop being so resentful for the wrong reasons and having the wrong attitude about the way things were. He needs to stop holding on to that past and come to terms with it. Guess some people have the tendency to use blame in order to explain their losses, troubles and failures in life. 
Maybe you're driven by a sense of guilt or fear and blame others in order to distract or deflect attention from your self. When you own your mistakes and blame yourself you actually learn from it. It becomes a lesson and one you don’t replicate.
Taking responsibility for one's actions requires a lot of strength of moral character that unfortunately not everyone possess. And definitely not you. 
It’s easy to play the blame game because its harder to look from within. But if you just pause and ask yourself how is it that things turned out that way,  you might just find the answer. 
You can't control what others do but you can take responsibility for what it is you do. When you realize your problems are your own, you learn to come to terms with the choices you’ve made that brought you to the situation you’re in now. You also realize that those choices played a part in shaping your destiny. Which for the most part, is something you have some control over.
If you need me to help you point the finger in the right direction let me know. But in the meantime, please stop blaming me for your downfalls, your mistakes, your lies, your betrayal, your infidelity and so on.
Who considers you the reason for their downfalls?
 ©

People spend too much time finding other people to blame, too much energy finding excuses for not being what they are capable of being, and not enough energy putting themselves on the line, growing out of the past, and getting on with their lives.
J. Michael Straczynski

The Rose and the Thorn

He's found her lying under pins and needles. He avoided the pricks to gather his flower. A ROSE. It has a powerful sweet scent. Her petals glistens as he held it closer. There it is as he held her, a thorn protruding through the stem. They are of two personalities. A thorn is sharp, and can pierce a flesh. It can be irritating and painful. How can a sharp thorn be able to produce such a delicate rose?. He examines it. All the while thinking can this thorn produce poison?. Knowing he must do something, he realizes he can't die for her but he knows she belongs to him. So he removes from her stem that thorn to avoid her pain. It's also a liberation from the demons that lie within him. This rose will always be important to him. She's the one he watered when she was thirsty. He's placed her in his heart and protected her from all harm. It is that special rose for he has brought sunshine when there were clouds threatening the skies. For His rose, he has killed preys to keep them from hurting her. Her protector, he made sure he provided her with shelter. He's now forgotten the time he wasted for that one rose. The rose that he now wonders, what made her so important? What made her so special? Was it her sweet scent? Was it her beauty? So mesmerizing that she's the envy of the garden. Was it the way she glistened in the sunlight or her shadow at sunset? How did she hold such a special place in his life? This thorn is growing back. It irritates and hurts her. Piercing through her stem causing her pain. A feeling of discomfort and agony. This Thorn is the sword that has killed his perfect rose. Love is like a rose when it's blossoming. It's beautiful it's perfect. Full of life. You can sit there and watch it in admiration. Yet true love is not without pain. Like the thorns on this rose or a bush full of thorns. It follows that even the bad situations has its positive side and good situations has its down size. So, If life is a Rose, how am I to be aware of the Thorns? I'm guessing that when you're with the right person it becomes something you don't have to know. ©


Inspired by the story. 

True Story

I have walked for so long. My mind exhausted from thinking because I have withdrawn into myself. Replaying the memories of a past we once had. But this storm is yet to pass. My mind is resistant to life as it unfolds. What is right is no longer considered. The relationship I thought to believe had evolved over time, actually collapsed right in front of my eyes. The closer I get the more questions are left unanswered. I've become concerned with finding the solutions to the problems. The more questions I ask the more stressed and overwhelmed I feel. I'm angry, frustrated, impatient, I feel so devastated I can't find a recovery. At times I think I'm deliberately being put through this. I've asked myself time and time again, where did we stand? I couldn't figure it out so I asked you instead. This is the time when life has come to challenge us because your actions have become a judgement against us. Here to condemn and take no prisoners. He'll disguise himself and mask his feelings and fill his mind with the poison of someone's words. The lies and inaccuracy has left him with comfort. He's unable to differentiate between what's fake and what's real. At the end of thinking for so long, feeling stressed and overwhelmed, all I seek is a comforting word from the man I thought to share my world. I needed you to help ease the pain and help me begin to heal. I've come to the realization that I've only missed the person I thought you were. I loved the concept, the picture in my head. The life I envisioned, the future I planned. It was a creative vision of what life would be like in the future. The existence of a false picture and future, is what I miss the most due to the fact I just never had your true self. So I'll turn my back on what I thought we had. I've learned to just let go! I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. So if she thinks she's earned a prize, she needs to think again. © True story